FRIENDSHIP
I’ve noticed that when people are experiencing change, they are often open to meeting new friends. This happens when we go away to college, when we move to a new city for a job or even when we move to a new neighborhood. It happens when we are traveling, when we have children and when we go through a breakup. When one thing changes other things must change too.
Personally I’ve been thinking a lot about friends and friendship and how things change as we move through our fifties, sixties and beyond. Several friends retired and moved away and several have stepped back from groups because life and interests have changed. Some stay local but travel much more. Others spend more time with grandchildren and others are caring for a spouse or dealing with their own health challenges. I love and appreciate my friends and still feel the close connections whenever we get together, however it IS different when we no longer do the same things together or see each other as often.
As things have changed with friends and as I found myself pursuing new interests, I felt a space open up for new things and new people to come in. I’ve begun to create some new friendships and other established friendships have deepened and expanded in unexpected ways. It doesn’t mean that my existing friends are any less important to me; instead it is simply that my capacity for wonderful people in my life is expanding. As life changes, we change and our friendships must evolve and change. It is the law of nature and the way of the universe.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too?’ I thought I was the only one.”
As often happens, I came upon a timely article in The New York Times: How to Make, and Keep, Friends in Adulthood by Catherine Pearson. In the article, she discusses concepts from a new book by Dr. Marisa Franco “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make - and Keep - Friends”. In addition to noting how people in some sort of transition tend to be more open to making new friends, Dr. Franco’s research suggests a few ways we can create and enhance adult friendships:
assume that people like you - and they probably will;
look for groups that meet regularly; research shows that we tend to like people who are familiar to us;
reach out to people in your contacts that you haven’t talked to in awhile.
It does take a bit of effort to keep friends, to make friends and to nuture relationships, and in my view, the benefits are well worth the effort. Friends expand our thinking and our connections; they provide a sounding board and help us to see things differently. Friends are a source of strength when we are tired, weakened or in pain, and they enhance the fun, laughter joy in the good times. Friends add to the beauty and richness of life. I am deeply grateful for each and every one of my friends, past, present and future!
AFFIRMATION
I am a thoughtful, supportive, fun and generous friend.
I am expanded and nurtured by the deep friendships in my life.